I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
