when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
