how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
