who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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