I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
