He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I bet he comes in French.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
