The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
