whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
