i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial