Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...