i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.