Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)

(708): View more from Illinois

WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE

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These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
Read it at the TFLN blog
(416): View more from Toronto

i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.

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(940): View more from Texas

My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.

(817): View more from Texas

Your life rocks...

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