Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.