Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
