just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.