Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
time to smoke my breakfast
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
