Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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