were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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