I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
