And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
