i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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