spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
