I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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