the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
