Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
