My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
