I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize