and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
