It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
