Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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