Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Fuck appropriateness.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
