If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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