He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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