Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
