ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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