Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
