So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...