So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..