census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
