Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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