i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
