Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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