That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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