Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
