I can tuck mytits in my pants
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
