you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
