and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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