It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
