How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
