he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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