My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
