from now on my penis is your penis
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
