we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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