is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
