She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
