I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you never un-have a 4some
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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