Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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