Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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