the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We are all done wearing pants today
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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