chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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