haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
