Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
