Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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