You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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