u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she smelled like a LAN party
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
