So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Rumble strips road head = magical
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
