i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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