you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
