Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
