I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
