WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
