When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
