she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
