In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
